Friday, June 25, 2010

Brain Fart

Shevy: (answers cell phone) Hello

Woman: Hi, Mr. Needlebaum will be calling you to deliver that recliner you wanted.

Shevy: Ok....I emailed him my cell phone number so just have him call me when he gets close to the house and I'll flag him down. you have a pen.....let me give you my cell number just incase he forgot it.

Woman:  Um another number?

Shevy:  huh....

Woman: do you have another cell number other than the one I already called you on?

Shevy: (feeling really stupid) took the day off to move, and I think my brain took one too.....haaaa.....sorry......

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sofa Rating=10

Dear Sofa,

My ass never knew how much it would miss your comfy cushions or your plush softness every time I sat on you to enjoy my favorite shows. 

You were a great sofa and never once complained about the time I inconsiderately dropped an alcoholic beverage on you and was to drunk to properly clean it up.  Or when friends brought their children over to visit and some of them smeared grape jelly on your arm rests.  

I will never forget our late afternoon naps together and how you would turn a blind eye to my unconscious drooling over your BFF "the throw pillow."

I have tried to find other replacements in the past weeks, but none can come close to your cozy and pleasant demeanor.

Sofa fails:

1.  A case of Water Bottles from Costco.  (Comfort Level 2) -  Although it's shape reminds me of one of your snug cushions, it alas is not as "ass friendly" as it deceptively appears to be.

2.  The Floor.  (Comfort Level 3)- there are many positions that can be obtained with such a large space;  Indian style, laying flat on your stomach, laying flat on your back, sitting with your legs straight out in front of you, or even lying on your stomach with your arms propping up your head..  but none of them are to comfortable for long periods of time.

3. A stack of books.  (Comfort Level 1)-  I think the picture says it all.  

4.  Trying to combine an Air Mattress and sitting Indian style.  (Comfort level 5.5) - This is actually not to bad, but an air mattress lacks any kind of back support.

5.  A bag full of clothes. (Comfort Level 6) - The wall gives some back support, and the clothes can be adjusted for premium ass comfort, but it still isn't the same.

I miss you sofa, and I promise not to take you for granted the next time I see you.


Monday, June 14, 2010

De Plane...De Plane....

This post does not contain anything about planes, but I just wanted to let all three of my followers know that I'm working on a new post.....I swear.....but here's something to tide you over until then.

I found a story I wrote back when I was 8 yrs old and I thought it was interesting that neither my writing skills nor my superb drawing abilites have changed over the years.

This type of talent cannot be tought....and I am the Master!!! Well....the master of shitty drawings I suppose....

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Microwave

I remember the time we got our first microwave….. I went with my Mom to JC Penny’s so that she could find the one she wanted. I was probably around 9 years old and after we got it home, all I wanted her to do was to make me a cheese sandwich so that I could watch it melt….23 years later, my mom still has the same one….she says it works fine and she doesn’t need a new one….
Yeah…I’m probably a bad daughter for drawing that last picture….but then again….after my mom and dad got a divorce….she met and married someone I knew since I was 5 years old……so I don’t feel to bad…..
I was weirded out a little at first, but it wasn’t like I ever went out with the guy or even had a crush on him in the least. He was more of an acquaintance than anything else....
WOW!!!! I don’t know how my story got so off track….Microwaves….I was talking about microwaves…..ok…….

Since the recent apartment fire, I didn’t realize just how much I relied on my microwave. So much in fact, that it would take me a second to realize there were other alternatives…..

When I got home yesterday, after work and running a few errands, I popped a Turkey Pot pie into the oven.

I now have a new microwave and life is total bliss …..

”I’ve never seen someone so happy over a microwave.” Someone said.
”Live without one for a few weeks, and you’ll want to make love to it the next time you have one.” I replied…..

The End